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Literature Text
I used to drink coffee with sugar and cream
Because of how sweet it was
And every time I drank it, I felt satisfied
But then I figured out I had cavities
From indulging too much in the adrenaline of lies
It’s easy to delude yourself
And whiten life with fake happiness
But in the end, you must face the truth
That it’s all for nothing
Unless you accept what it is you’re hiding from
Because that paper cup tears in time
And your pain seeps through the cracks
A puddle of muddled liquid escapes
And all you have is a broken heart
Of sweetened sorrow
So now I drink coffee black
Because I need the bitterness these days bring
To strengthen and correct me for what happens next
To understand the flavor of the path in front of me
To feel relief in times of difficulty
It’s morbid to think we need sadness
To think that everything won’t turn out alright
And that we won’t all make it out alive
But the enemy of despair becomes our friend
And with that hope, we can overcome
So it’s time to be bold
It’s time to be grounded
It’s time to be vibrant
And above all
It’s time to be strong
Because of how sweet it was
And every time I drank it, I felt satisfied
But then I figured out I had cavities
From indulging too much in the adrenaline of lies
It’s easy to delude yourself
And whiten life with fake happiness
But in the end, you must face the truth
That it’s all for nothing
Unless you accept what it is you’re hiding from
Because that paper cup tears in time
And your pain seeps through the cracks
A puddle of muddled liquid escapes
And all you have is a broken heart
Of sweetened sorrow
So now I drink coffee black
Because I need the bitterness these days bring
To strengthen and correct me for what happens next
To understand the flavor of the path in front of me
To feel relief in times of difficulty
It’s morbid to think we need sadness
To think that everything won’t turn out alright
And that we won’t all make it out alive
But the enemy of despair becomes our friend
And with that hope, we can overcome
So it’s time to be bold
It’s time to be grounded
It’s time to be vibrant
And above all
It’s time to be strong
A reflective poem that sheds light on a recent lifestyle change (I resolved to drink black coffee as a new year's resolution, which has since been alright, though I still get double-doubles at Tim Horton's).
© 2014 - 2024 katamaris4ever
Comments9
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Overall Vision Originality
Technique ImpactHeeyy katamaris4ever , hope this critique finds you well. I love this poem. As a coffee-addict myself, and a Colombian, I know exactly what this is about. And the thing is, even if I didn't know about coffee, you've still constructed a piece meaningful enough to speak to my heart. Coffee's an excellent metaphor. As you've said, it's bitter, it's strong, bold, earthy. By the way, I love "It's time to be grounded," that was a great two-fold line <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/w…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="387" title=" (Wink)"/>There's a lot to work with regarding coffee and caffeine, and I think you used all the right themes and descriptions. You weren't overly emotional, you didn't burden the poem with sentimentality, but your heart came through. All your ideas were well arranged, the pacing was nice, not too slow and not rushed. I really like the subtle hints you give, particularly about addiction. That line, "indulging too much in the adrenaline of lies," is really wonderful.
I would have liked for you to have been a bit more adventurous with word choice, and perhaps your metaphors. Just to make it really hit that note- just a suggestion, maybe you could have mentioned coffee's acidity, or the fact that it can go rancid, and use a word or some words that would speak to that discomfort, just to give it a darker, more visceral tone overall. I think it would lend to your comparing the coffee to your attitude and emotions.
There really are some gems in here, for example, "whiten life" is a great accoutrement to the image of adding cream to coffee. "Puddle of muddled liquid" sounds fantastic and also lends great imagery. The last stanza is fabulous, it's a strong end. It almost feels like I've finished a good cup of black coffee and am drinking up those strong bitter (sweet if I've added sugar) dregs. That's exactly what the ending was like, and it was a wonderful thing to read.
The poem was descriptive as well as prescriptive, and I love that. I think this shows how talented you are, and how profound you are, and you know, it can be read light-heartedly or darkly, and that's a difficult balance to achieve. You did it. Great job! I'd love to see this get a DD <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=" (Smile)"/>